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Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Fart Tax

At the Lodge, in addition to my waitressing duties, they have me covering the bar.  Recently I have decided to take charge of the darn place.  Take for example, last night.  One of my customers leaned over right in front of me and totally farted.  I tried to use the "I'm a lady please don't fart" but it didn't work because, well you're dealing with drinking fishermen.  So I decided to hit him where it would hurt.   

"That'll be $1.00."  I say, secretly impressed with this new, genius idea.  Why hadn't I thought of it before?

"Huh?"  He says.

"$1.00 a fart." 

His buddies started laughing hysterically.  (Apparently he's the farter of the bunch and he's been bugging them with his farting the whole weekend.)  I made $4.00 fart tax before closing time. 

Tonight they came back in, and we enjoyed merry conversation, when suddenly he excused himself to go outside.  To fart, of course. 

"See now, man, you are MAKING MONEY."  I told him.

p.s. This totally confirms my philosophy that if you hit a man in the pocketbook he will finally listen to you.  You can beg and plead and even cry, and never make headway.  Start charging for indiscretions -- now you got submission.






*Bring your cash, check or VISA if you can't leave your farts at home.

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6 comments:

  1. ashleyAugust 17, 2010 at 8:34 AM

    My mom and I imposed a fart tax on my dad once. We called it the BWCAA, or Bruno Women for Clean Air Act. 25 cents a fart. It worked for a little while, and then he just sat with a pile of quarters and the BWCAA jar next to him on the couch and farted as much as he wanted. Then he abandoned the jar altogether, as it was his house and he could do whatever he wanted.

    I hope your fart tax works out better than mine did.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousAugust 17, 2010 at 4:01 PM

    I'd be broke in no time. Love, Jacqui

    ReplyDelete
  3. kadyAugust 17, 2010 at 4:06 PM

    Yours are $2.00 Jacqui.

    ReplyDelete
  4. LauraAugust 19, 2010 at 11:45 AM

    What do you do if they're the SBD farts?

    ReplyDelete
  5. kadyAugust 19, 2010 at 10:01 PM

    Those we blame on Buford, the resident Bassett hound.

    ReplyDelete
  6. prettiest sisterAugust 14, 2011 at 8:38 PM

    I am going to impose this tax on Marc, I will be Rich!

    ReplyDelete