Summer-isms, Vol. 18

"He didn't get thin.  He had gotten chubby."

"Are those buffaloes?  Or are they motorcycles?"

"Well, you're not dennoying me."

"I have a pretty good clavicle for a fatty."

"I don't like hot things in my mouth.*"

*(This after I chastised her for getting iced coffee on a freezing freezing day in Minnesota.)

Michigan

Well -- we spent two weeks in Michigan where Summer and I made this pile of old removed brass water meters go from this:

to this:

while wearing this:

Minneapolis Musings

So...I've been pretty busy this week.  Summer and I are in Minneapolis and I'm tying up tons of loose ends in preparation for my trip to Arizona tomorrow. 

Anyways, sorry for not posting daily, and there you have my excuse.  I'm posting today because something amazing happened this week.  I was visiting my old office and one of my old coworkers motioned for me to join him in his office because he had a "present" for me. 

Here is the present.

Don't click on this if you don't really really really love zits and boils and cysts. 

(It's the best one I've ever seen.)

She Bangs!

At tonight's St. Paul Mancini's Char House Karaoke session, I was able to dance with two older gentlemen.  They both had something gross to say:

Older gentleman # 1:
"I'm hot.  I got all these clothes on.  Or maybe it's you."
At the end of the dance I asked him to dip me, and he did.  He must have been scared he was going to drop me, because at the end of the dip he said, "Gosh, woman!"

Older gentleman # 2:

"Well you said I look like your dad but I sure didn't feel like your dad when we were dancing."

He does kinda look like Ol' Hal, doesn't he?

Ryan Gosling, the Man of My Dreams

Last night I had a dream that Ryan Gosling and I were breaking up and as a result, he had to move out of my house.  Well, Ryan Gosling has a lot of hanging clothes.  So I packed all of them up and moved them to the far away location for him.  (I don't know why.  Maybe I needed the closet space.)

A friend who I suspect was Summer was helping me at the undisclosed far away location to hang up all of the hundreds of identical garment bags.  When we finished we decided to stalk him at the restaurant where we knew he'd be dining out with his new lady.

My friend informed me that I had nothing to be afraid of, that we would just show up, be fabulous, tell him where we left all of his clothes and make him regret his bad bad decision.

The new girl was gross!  She had on silk tight printed pants and a matching bare midriff top that tied at the waist.  My friend convinced me to go right up to them and introduce myself.  Why should I be ashamed?  So we did, and by then the girl was sitting on my ex-boyfriend Ryan Gosling's lap!  With her half-ponytailed, frizzed-out hair and bad makeup.  I could not believe he left ME for HER.  I looked at Ryan Gosling, and motioned towards her with my eyes and said,

"Weak chin."

Hey Ryan, I can no longer be your storage unit, OK?

*image stolen from downtowndolls.blogspot.com

More Feminist Ryan Gosling

I can't help it.  I love these.

"Hey girl..."

Click here for more:  http://feministryangosling.tumblr.com/

Surprise!!

We kept our change of plans to move to Michigan a secret from everybody, mostly so that I could surprise my sister Kelly in Toledo, Ohio when we drove right by her house to get to Michigan.

Background yet useful information:  when Kelly chose to move to Toledo, Ohio and said to me, "but Kady, now you'll have somewhere to visit!"  I very seriously but also very mean mean meanly told her that I would "never, ever come to Toledo" to visit her.  I think that hurt her feelings.  I was just trying to get her to realize the error of her ways.  Come on.  Toledo?

And I meant to hold up my end of that bargain, which I've done without any effort for the last four years.  My current job situation left me no choice, however, and boy was she surprised when I was at her door!

Kelly

Sylvie and Edie.  Having nothing to do with each other.

Niece Karley, who I could have sworn was just five years old yesterday.

The ole butt pinch pelvic thrust sister hug

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Road Trip

So, we got Summer's car all fixed with a brand new alternator.  We loaded up the car for our trip to South Carolina.  And by loaded up I mean cram-packed everything Summer owns in this world into her 1996 Volvo along with my two suitcases and a few miscellaneous bags of stuff.

We were about an hour into the trip when I realized we had no idea where we were going.  I mean, we knew what town, but hadn't secured lodging or anything.  Also, we had no idea where we needed to be on Monday morning for work.  So I texted my boss who called Summer back and informed her that the South Carolina project wasn't ready yet and that we were needed at a project in Michigan.

We needed to change course for Michigan, which fortunately only meant a 30 mile backtrack, but also meant an additional 500 miles in the car.  OK...we got this!  We are adventurers!  We only packed one extra pair of undies in our easily accessible overnight bags!  crap



It was kind of funny when this happened...but it was totally my fault as I let her car roll onto one of those concrete car-stopper things in a parking lot.

Guess what?  There was no room in the car for it!  So it became my riding partner.

We got to see some fall colors in Kentucky and Ohio, two states I had previously never been, bringing my new "State Count" to 45!  Only five to go!  (I'm talking to you, Alaska, Hawaii, Arizona, New Mexico and West Virginia.)

I think Edie's pretty used to this by now.

Michigan!!

It's a little sad.  We miss New Orleans.  Here I am with my New Orleans beads and my last New Orleans beer...in my nice but far less amazing apartment in the far less fabulous Troy, Michigan.

Where to next, you ask?  Who knows?  We'll probably find out in the car on the way there.

Things to Do Before Leaving NOLA # 10: Have Four Days' Worth of Horrible Car Troubles

This story is probably as long as the horrible day that the system beat us in Thailand.  In an effort to consolidate, I'm going to bullet point the story:

Friday, September 30:

• last day of work
• return one rental car to the airport
• park other rental car on Tuesday-street-sweeping street.  (No matter, we'll return it Monday.)

Saturday, October 1 - Monday, October 3:

• do lots of moving errands
• do lots of fun stuff, as outlined in the previous 9 posts in this series
• run out of time to return rental car

Tuesday, October 4:

• sleep until noon
• lollygag about the apartment for a few hours
• get a tan in my living room

• inform Summer that I don't feel like leaving the apartment so she leaves to go to her appointment alone
• get phone call from Summer
• "where is the car?"
• realize rental car has been towed
• make 357 phone calls trying to see if tow lot will release car to us, since we are not owners. nope.
• make 432 more phone calls trying to see if rental company will call on our behalf
• resolve, finally
• walk to tow lot two miles away through bad, bad neighborhood
• talk loud and fast to Summer through bad, bad neighborhood so nobody gets any ideas about robbing us
• finally pick up rental car, $193 later 
• drive it to the office to pick up Summer's car which has been stored at the office and not driven in 7 weeks
• follow each other to drop rental car off at the airport
• ride together back to apartment
• break down two miles from apartment on off ramp
• Summer steers and I push car 
• a few good Samaritans help as she pops the clutch and starts the car and it runs for two blocks
• repeat for two miles
• finally give up and call triple A
• wait for triple A driver
• drive car no problem with help of triple A driver's power pack attached to battery
• it's the alternator, he says
• leave car overnight with voicemail to mechanic, who advertised Foreign car repair
• stay out until 4am dancing with Lionel Batiste

Wednesday, October 5th:

• wake up late and find out Foreign car repair place does not work on cars over 10 years old
• discover Enterprise rental car company would have come and got all of our rentals, we wouldn't have needed to drive to airport
• pick up another rental car
• push/pop clutch on Summer's car for three blocks
• jump car with new rental car

• drive car two blocks again
• give up
• leave Summer with her car, drive rental car to ATM to withdraw $70 cash, in order to leave deposit for alternator shop's power pack so we can drive Summer's car there for repair
• return to Summer and her car, drive 3mph the two miles to alternator shop, who has graciously stayed open just for us
• leave car with adorable cajun couple
• REALIZE THAT ALTERNATOR SHOP IS 45 YARDS FROM ORIGINAL OFF-RAMP BREAK DOWN LOCATION:

Photo taken from alternator shop.  We broke down at that traffic light the night before.

Thursday, October 6 - Friday, October 7:

• cross fingers, hoping car will be ready for our cross country journey on Saturday  (it was)

Saturday, October 8:

• drive to South Carolina, only to be informed part-way through the journey that the destination had been changed to Birmingham, MI.  

The Adventure Continues...

It's Always Sunny in my Running Clothes Drawer.

Here's Charlie, my favorite character on the TV Show It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  In a recent episode, he can be seen wearing a T-Shirt from the Fifth Annual Urban Wildland Half Marathon in Richfield, MN:

I wonder if he actually ran it?  Probably not.  He's not even real.

BUT I DID!

"OMG!  Charlie!?  We have the SAME SHIRT!"

Things to Do Before Leaving NOLA # 9: Go to City Park Sculpture Garden

Unfortunately the sculpture garden was closed, but the park was still open, and it was a fabulous day, so we walked around and laid a blanket out and read and stuff. 

Spanish moss grows on all these amazing old trees.

I already lost these sunglasses :(

I was innocently enjoying the beautiful scenery when suddenly, somebody started urgently knocking at my back door.  Thank GAWD for the stone bench and it's poop-stopping characteristics.  If not for that bench I might have had to go and sit on one of those tree roots:

Fortunately they had a few disgusting port-a-potty's, by the name of "Pot-O-Gold".  Indeed.  Crisis averted.  

The End.

Feminist Ryan Gosling

New favorite website I wish I had invented.

(Thanks, McShash for the recommend.)




http://feministryangosling.tumblr.com/

Here's a sample:

Things to Do Before Leaving NOLA # 8: Have a Shish Kebab Party

We decided to throw a party so we could showcase our fabulous apartment, and shish kebab was the theme.

Summer and I provided all the fixins and have a "build your own/grill your own" situation.  It helps if your roommate is the queen of sauces and marinades.  She marinated the beef in a mixture of soy sauce, chopped garlic, honey, sesame oil and agave nectar (but you could use brown sugar or molasses).  Stir, heat a little if you have to get the mixture to melt into itself.

The chicken was marinated in fresh chopped garlic, fresh rosemary, white wine and olive oil. 

The shrimp was marinated in triple sec, tequila, canola oil, lots of lime juice and cilantro.

Then we just chopped up and provided all the other ingredients for kebabs.  Peppers, poblanos, pineapple, onion, cherry tomatoes and mushrooms.  Build and grill your own kebabs!

Oh how I miss this balcony.

For an appetizer, one of our guests brought and fried his own fresh-caught shrimp.  He breaded them with a little egg, flour and spices.  He made regular and buffalo (by adding pepper flakes and Crystal hot sauce) and they were FANTASTIC.