Sunday Favorites: Bathroom Priorities

New to A Lady Reveals Nothing? You've missed SO MUCH. Not to worry. Every Sunday, I dig through the archives to repost an old favorite. Mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with new content every single day. This story originally appeared on March 7, 2011:

 

 

I've been out of the country for the better part of a year, so maybe my view on this matter is skewed. Has this weird phenomena caught on in the United States? Are they replacing all liquid soap in public restrooms with either foam or mist spray? I'm just going to come right out and say that I hate spray soap. Is this a new thing? I push the button and if anything comes out it's a mist. What happened to the gelatinous soap of my childhood? The kind that makes a nice soapy lather that gives the illusion of cleanliness after a dirty bathroom experience and perhaps a day filled with dirty, germ-filled experiences?

 

And that leads to my next question. Mom, when did they invent liquid soap? Shortly after they invented color, perhaps? I don't remember life without it. I do remember thinking that bars of soap were disgusting in public bathrooms, and sharing that belief and a friend telling me the most poignant words I have ever heard:

 

"Soap is always clean."

 

In other words, rub it a little and get it movin', and you got yourself some perfectly good soap. I don't know the science here, but I have run with that for the last 18 years. These are just my opinions, folks. I would love to hear yours in the comments section.

 

And while we're on the subject of public restrooms, for your reading pleasure, a list! My list of preferences in a public bathroom: (in order of priority)

 

1. Toilet Paper

2. Lockable lock

3. Water

4. Liquid Soap

5. And if not liquid soap, Bar Soap

6. And if not bar soap, Spray Mist Invisible Fake Soap

7. And if not spray mist invisible fake soap, Hand Sanitizer. But I hate Hand Sanitizer.

8. Flush Capability

9. And if so, Foot-kick ready flush

10. Privacy from lookie-loos

11. Privacy from heary-loos

12. A way to mask scent if necessary

13. Dry floor

14. No hair anywhere

15. A nice picture on the wall

16. Seat is firmly secured to the toilet

17. Proper inner-workings of toilet, illiminating the need for frantic basic plumbing

18. Towel to dry hands on

19. Exit door that pushes outward, not pulls inward for hands-free purposes

20. Sanitary napkin dispenser, preferably at the low low rate of 10 cents

21. Garbage can in stall

22. Helpful signs*

23. Toilet seat liner (but you're only going to find this in California and/or the Minneapolis airport.)

24. Good lighting in mirror for zit pinching

25. Mirrors at angle for weight loss illusion

26. A planter with bamboo of some sort

27. Stones in bottom of sink

28. New age and/or relaxing music playing

29. Basket of mints

30. Hand lotion

31. Hairspray available

32. Individual non-disposable towels

33. A woman to hand you individual non-disposable towel

34. Heated toilet seats*

35. Princess sound maker*

 

See? Helpful.

 

 

*Added to list since visiting Japan, the heavenly headquarters of the world's best bathrooms.