Inside Family Jokes You Probably Won't Find Very Funny

Pete: "Everything I see is a mathematical equation. I see numbers everywhere I look."

Kady: "Me too! I see numbers...on the microwave."

Pete: "I look at a clock...and all I see are numbers."

Why It's Funny:

I recently had my IQ measured.

I hate to break this to you. I really do.

It pains me to tell you. Just pains me.

It's really hard for me to say this. Really.

I'm a genius. It's official. And I've decided to join Mensa. Why not? Mainly it's so that I can get that membership card and accidentally give it to anyone who asks for my ID for the rest of my life. 

And trust me, my family is Nonplussed. Incredulous. Unimpressed. I don't regret telling them, but try hanging out with the other seven Hexum family members after you find out that you're extra smart. Play the wrong card in Whist. Run over a curb with your car. Mispronounce something. You get the idea. My new nickname is "Mensa", as in "Hey Mensa! You forgot to flush!" (just kidding, I never forget to flush.)

Don't worry. My dad will keep my head small. He likes to remind me that I "don't know cake from cowpie." When I told him the results of my IQ test, he laughed out loud and said, "lotta good it didja."

"It's like, well...I just know alotta stuff."

Oops.