They're Fake

Some of you have asked -- and no, these are not my real eyelashes:

Duh.

Here's what they actually look like (although those three on the very right are obviously fake):

My friend Roxie tells me I shouldn't tell people they're fake. I should just smile and say "thank you" when complimented. I can't handle the stress. What if somebody found out somehow that they aren't real and I wasn't the one who told them? This is why I can never get boob implants. 

I go to a place in Edina where I bought a membership for $60 a month to get them "filled". A lady named Doua dims the lights, puts on some very relaxing music and proceeds to glue an individual fake eyelash to each of my invisible ones while I sleep. Of course I sleep. There's relaxing music! I made her take this next photo. As you can see, at the end of three weeks most of them have fallen out and it's time to get them "filled" and I procrastinated just a bit too long. Those white things separate my bottom lashes so she doesn't glue my eyes shut. 

I know that I fall asleep because I frequently wake myself up mid-snore. The way that I snore is so funny too it's like a "PAAAAAAA" [breathe in]...."PAAAAA"...[breathe in]..."PAAAAAA". I begged Doua to take a video of the snoring but I think she was too embarrassed because she didn't do it.

I think they're worth every penny. If not just for the opportunity once a month to take that delicious snore-nap.