en Espanol

You know how when you call any customer service line in the world and they say if you wanna hear it in Spanish you better press option two? But they say it in Spanish say they go "oh, prima dos?"

At least that is what I was certain they were saying "OH you know whatever you want, press two"

I am so dumb. OPRIMA is the verb for "press" --- I learned this from a Colombian elevator and Google translate.

New Year's Resolutions and other things that go Cream Ca...PUT

You know, I used to really really enjoy writing in this format and even achieved the goal of writing EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. one year. Unbelievably that was last a thing in my life in about 2016. We were so young then!

These days I share my musings on Instagram stories, which disappear after 24 hours which is such a blessing and also such a curse: a blessing because of my short attention span and a curse because I do love reading and re-reading myself because as you all know I'm definitely my biggest fan. 

ANYWAY I just spent 3 months in South America and just like every time I leave the United States and subsequently return to the United States I resolve to be a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON. I'm going to start writing letters, hugging children, rescuing kittens (but not allowing them in my house or anything - I just mean finding them under a dumpster and kindly bringing them to someone else who will have them in THEIR house), losing weight, being nicer to everyone, finally submitting that foster parent application to Hennepin County, etc. Consequently, I think it's time to dust off this old thing and start typing into the netherworld again my innermost thoughts and outermost embarrassing farts, etc.

You can make fun of me in two days when we all realize I go the way of 2019-2022 when I only wrote once about a freaking CREAM CAN.